How do i get up ?

How do you say good-bye to some one that has been your whole life?
how do you stand by their side as they get lowered into the earth?

there is never anything that can shelter you from that kind of a loss,
no manual telling you the next few steps on how to gently break down. you just do.
You think that loosing a parent you can give advice to someone as the cry to you about the loss of theirs ..i can't.

there are no words from my lips, no help, no hint...just blank.
i get that lump in my throat, shiver in my heart and i feel sick.
it feels like its me all over again. I'm so so sorry.

you want to say "I'm here for you, but those words haunt you like the memories"
you want to say everything is going to be OK, is it ?

we all start dying the minute we are conceived so why is it such a shock when we do...
why are we not programed to deal with death,loss,confusion and emptiness.

they will never hold you, or walk you down the isle at your wedding, they will never be there when your first baby is born...but don't think like that... think about the time, the love and the smiles you had...laugh at the things that irritated you. how you screamed and shouted about what you felt only to retract the statement moments later with a loving hug. They are here for a reason, everyone is. embracing that is your gift to yourself and even though we don't understand life... we do...

the pain is earth shattering and the tears will be plenty, but in the end when you are standing holding their hand you will ask them...so what did you think of what i did with my life while you were gone, and they will smile "you did a great job, I'm proud of you"